To the one who couldn’t be

 Hey Love,

Today is June 18th, Father’s day. I could have been a would-be father today but alas.

Since R and I realized we were expecting, I had been particularly keen on reading everything on Google. One of the things that I read was that only after week 10 does a embryo become a foetus. Google is wrong! You were our foetus, our baby and our love since the day of conception.

You decided to leave us 8 weeks and 4 days in and I am gutted to know that come Jan’24, I will not see you or be able to hold you in my hands. R and me were both looking forward to this so much. While she was scared, I don’t think I have ever been more ready for anything in life.

What’s bygone is bygone as they say and we will (probably) get over this and hopefully have a baby or two (or eleven as I joke with R) but I do want to document here on my blog Bija, you will always be remembered with immense fondness. That moment when I saw your heartbeat was one of the finest moment I have ever lived. You gave me so much happiness in your brief existence that I am ready to try a thousand times over. You are love. <3 Thank you!

Since we knew you were not with us, there is this one poem which keeps playing in my head “main tenu phir milaunga” by Amrita Pritam. I have played it on loop on this chicago trip and every time I hear it, I feel you are talking to me. Reassuring me that you are around. Here’s my answer to you (butchered the poem, but please bear with Papa. This is the best he could do)

Tu mujhe phir milega

Kidhar kis tarah nahi maalum

Par tu mujhe phir milega

Shayad meri office ki diary ke last page pe

gode hue kai naam banke

jo maine soche the tere liye

Tu mujhe phir milega

Shayad mere chehre ki muskurahat banke

Jab mere se koi puchega

Pehli bar parenthood ki feeling kaisi thi

Tu mujhe phir milega

Kidhar kis tarah nahi maalum

Par tu mujhe phir milega

<3

1 year of tolerating me - officially :)

My love Ritu, 

 किसी भी रिश्ते को बनाने से पहले अपनी आंखों पूरी खुली रखो, 

और उस रिश्ते के बन जाने पे आधी बंद कर दो! 

This quote from Ashutosh Rana is playing in my head as I am writing you an anniversary post. Why a post and not a letter? I don't know maybe so we can read this to our grandkids some day? maybee, let's see!!!

It's going to be a year tomorrow to the day we got married on the 27th April 2021 during peak of Covid second wave in the extremely intimate wedding ceremony. 

I am incredibly lucky to have found you. You are Pretty, kind, loving and humble. I can't tell you enough how much I respect you and your sheer resilience to study and study so hard at that. I would have given up like at least 5 years ago.

During the last one year, we saw a lot of 'wedding' as you were living in Mangalore to finish up on your studies, now is when we start living together and will start seeing a lot of 'marriage.' I can't wait but honestly I am slightly scared as well. 

As we start living together and understand each other, there would be things we would not be aligned on. I just want to tell you that we will work those out. Slowly and gradually. One by one. Let's not give up on each other and become the boring sad old couples, like never ever.

I love you to the moon and back.

Manish 

Song of the day -  This one is for you

An ode of remembrance… Mr. Mayank

 This is for you Mr. Mayank. 

Very rarely have I come across a man with qualities like you. Dynamic and competent at workplace; humble and satisfied outside of workplace – I always looked up to your way of life.

 

My first boss, you literally introduced me to the corporate lifestyle. I vividly remember all your teachings from “forcing me to use excel without a mouse” to “mentoring me in taking the right decisions.” You were the best first boss one could have asked for. Tough; lived by the deadlines; made sure I understand and finish up work you allotted to me but also made sure to stay back with me in office till I finished writing the codes.

ZS and consulting lifestyle was difficult. I had so many dinners with you during those two years. We would just eat the instant maggi available in office or order rolls for the convenience and quick turnaround. I used to despise sitting those long hours but looking back what I learnt back then is 2013 is my bread and butter till date.

 

You had a positive and pleasing aura. I always looked forward to meeting you outside of work and especially coming to your home.  Trying the herbs, Meeting skye, listening to Balcony TV, sitting under the beer bottle chandelier, I have so many happy memories from your place. I remember how passionately you used to talk about things – From hydroponics during the ZS days to trekking when I last met you a couple of years. You were an inspiration.

 

For me you will always be the one who was busy doing gazillion things all at once and surprisingly managed all of them with at most perfection. Seems you always knew you had a limited time and hence made the most of it!

Farewell Mr. Mayank - my mentor/friend/brother. Muchas gracias, amigo. Muchas gracias. The world is a lonelier and a sadder place without you.

Letter I had written to Mayank from Spiti. Was never delivered :|

P.S. – Fuck you COVID!!! A giant FUCK YOU to hell and back.