Hey Love,
Today is June 18th, Father’s day. I could have been a would-be father today but alas.
Since R and I realized we were expecting, I had been particularly keen on reading everything on Google. One of the things that I read was that only after week 10 does a embryo become a foetus. Google is wrong! You were our foetus, our baby and our love since the day of conception.
You decided to leave us 8 weeks and 4 days in and I am gutted to know that come Jan’24, I will not see you or be able to hold you in my hands. R and me were both looking forward to this so much. While she was scared, I don’t think I have ever been more ready for anything in life.
What’s bygone is bygone as they say and we will (probably) get over this and hopefully have a baby or two (or eleven as I joke with R) but I do want to document here on my blog Bija, you will always be remembered with immense fondness. That moment when I saw your heartbeat was one of the finest moment I have ever lived. You gave me so much happiness in your brief existence that I am ready to try a thousand times over. You are love. <3 Thank you!
Since we knew you were not with us, there is this one poem which keeps playing in my head “main tenu phir milaunga” by Amrita Pritam. I have played it on loop on this chicago trip and every time I hear it, I feel you are talking to me. Reassuring me that you are around. Here’s my answer to you (butchered the poem, but please bear with Papa. This is the best he could do)
Tu mujhe phir milega
Kidhar kis tarah nahi maalum
Par tu mujhe phir milega
Shayad meri office ki diary ke last page pe
gode hue kai naam banke
jo maine soche the tere liye
Tu mujhe phir milega
Shayad mere chehre ki muskurahat banke
Jab mere se koi puchega
Pehli bar parenthood ki feeling kaisi thi
Tu mujhe phir milega
Kidhar kis tarah nahi maalum
Par tu mujhe phir milega
<3
